Dear Benjamin,
Happy FOUR MONTHS old!!

Wow! So hard for Mommy to believe that you're already FOUR MONTHS old!

When did it happen that you stopped being a newborn baby and turned into this. . .well, no longer newborn baby? This baby who can hold his head up and push up on his arms and give these big ol' belly laughs and turn himself over front to back and back to front again? We've been watching you the whole time, yet we seemed to have missed that turning point. It just kinda. . .happened.

So here you are. Four big months old. Rolling over in both directions, following our voices, seeing us when we're completely across the room, and trying out "solid food" (as of yesterday, when we gave you your first rice cereal meal). Amazing feats of motor skill and intellectual ability! You're growing so quickly. So terribly quickly.

Slow it down a little, would you?

No, I don't really mean that.

I don't want you to slow down. Nor do I want you to speed up. I'm perfectly happy having you just the way your are. It's all exciting and amazing to me, just as it was when your brother and your sister went through these stages, only this time I know, only too well, how fast the time flies and how fleeting the moments are, so I can appreciate it, hopefully, a little more this time around.

Ironic, I guess, that at this point in my life, while I might be financially better off than I ever have been, I'm busier than ever and have less time to give. I was dirt poor when your brother was born, yet managed to stay home with him for a full year. Same with your sister, except it was six months that I didn't work when I had her. But when I did return to work it was in the childcare field and she went with me. This time I have to go back to my corporate job, there's no getting around it. We need my salary. And, truth be told, there are certain aspects of my job that I enjoy (namely a sense of accomplishment and recognition). But as much as I might enjoy it, I'd rather be here with you and it makes me sad that I can't be. I hope that you'll understand and don't resent that I'm not here with you. At least you get to stay with your father during the day rather than go off to icky daycare.

And boy, does your Daddy love you! You're the light of his life, his heart, his raison d'etre. He loves you. . .well, more than I know how to quantify with words. I know that you are in the best possible hands when I leave you each day with him. He's all about you and I know that when you're with him you're well care for. I might be sad that I have to leave you, but I'm happy knowing that you're home with your father.

Speaking of which, tomorrow I don't have to go to work. I have taken off so that I can take you to the doctor's for your four month old well-check. I can't wait to find out how much weight you've gained, how tall (long?) you are, and how impressed the doctor is with all that you've accomplished over the past two months. You'll also get some shots while you're there. That part I'm not so happy about, as they'll hurt you and make you cry. But I have to remember that it's for the greater good--the diseases that the shots are protecting you from are far worse for you than the momentary feeling of pain is that comes from the shots themselves.

I'll let you know how it goes.

I love you silly boy funny bunny goofy doofy chicken nugget!

You make me happy.

Happy birthday.

Love,
Mommy